Grit – Driftwood

「不要望著那個遙遠的終點」

這段路就像是沒有地圖的航海，不知道將要面臨的會是多大的潮水、不知道是否能成功度過這一劫。但我知道要先相信自己，要往前走才知道這條路會通往哪裡，遇到挫折都是難免的，只要撐過這場浩劫，便能成為理想中的模樣了。

This section of the road is like sailing without a map. I don't know how big the tide will be, and I don't know whether I can successfully survive this disaster. But I know that I have to believe in myself first, and I have to go forward to know where this road will lead. It is inevitable to encounter setbacks. As long as I survive this catastrophe, I can become what I want.

從接觸文字創作、漸漸地愛上這件事，甚至在多年後真的成為了一名作家，一步一步都讓我更加依賴寫作，這是我情緒抒發的最大出口。

From getting in touch with writing, gradually falling in love with it, and even becoming a writer many years later, step by step, I have become more dependent on writing, which is the biggest outlet for my emotional expression.

七年前的我是一個大二生，那時每天過著醉生夢死的生活，生活重心都在喝酒、夜唱、認識新朋友，日以繼夜的玩樂直至某次和高中同學的聚會，在酒精的的催化下讓言語變得更加坦誠直接，「你很有才華，但你為什麼把生活過得像狗屎一樣？」朋友看著我的眼睛說道，他們都知道我從高中就一直有在寫作投稿，我卻沒想過未來能朝這個方向發展，可就在那個晚上受到了鼓勵，似乎被感動到了，隔天我就開啟了粉絲專頁，並寫個不停一直到今天。

2019年剛步入社會，我知道光靠寫作是沒辦法是無法養活自己的，因此我找了一份產品推銷員的工作，穿著西裝皮鞋、梳著油頭在世貿中心招攬客人，卻越做越覺得背道而馳，某天下班我蹲在吸煙區，看著落地窗裡的倒影，為什麼會穿成這樣？為什麼此刻的自己是這副模樣？眼前的我憔悴的離夢想中燦爛的自己好遙遠，想著想著我崩潰落淚，並毅然決然結束了這份短暫的工作。接著我應徵了一間音樂公司的藝術行政，三個月以來我總想著下班後就可以專心創作，實際卻是下班到家後拖著疲憊的身軀洗澡、躺平，無法全心聚焦於創作上。後來找了兼職的工作，才得以在賺錢以及興趣上得到一絲平衡，也在那時收到了出版社的邀約。

Seven years ago, I was a sophomore in college. At that time, I lived a drunken life every day. The focus of my life was drinking, singing at night, meeting new friends, and having fun day and night until a party with high school classmates. My words become more frank and direct due to the alcohol. "You are very talented, but why do you live your life like shit?" My friends looked me in the eyes and said, they all know that I have been writing and contributing since high school. But I didn't expect to develop in this direction in the future. I was encouraged that night and seemed to be moved. The next day I opened the fan page and wrote non-stop until today.

I just stepped into the society in 2019, and I knew that I couldn’t support myself by writing alone, so I found a job as a product salesman, wearing a suit and leather shoes, and combing my hair to attract customers in the World Trade Center. Yet, the more I did, the more I felt betraying my mind. One day, I was squatting in the smoking area after work, looking at the reflection in the floor-to-ceiling windows. “Why did I dress like this? Why do you look like this right now? The haggard me in front of myself was so far away from the brilliant self in my dream, I broke down and cried when I thought about it, and resolutely ended this short-term job. Then I applied for the art administration of a music company. For three months, I always thought that I could concentrate on creation after getting off work, but in fact, I dragged my tired body to take a bath and lie down after work, and could not concentrate on creation. Later, I found a part-time job, so I was able to get a little balance between making money and interests, and at that time I received an invitation from the publishing house.

畢業後接續換了四份工作，家人很擔心，

也常被勸說不要把寫作規劃進人生目標，當作興趣就好，但我很清楚就算我放棄了，最終仍然會走回這條路。我同意大家所說的，的確沒有前途，但我就是喜歡這件事。如果早在一開始這場冒險的路途我只想著錢，那我就看不到任何東西了，只要有機會就去嘗試，不喜歡就離開，或許還是不知道自己喜歡什麼，但總會知道自己不喜歡的是什麼。

每每提到這段人生的抉擇時會讓我想起國小第一次跑長跑，身旁有很多跑比我快的、也有很多在休息的，我不管自己速度多慢，只知道途中感覺到累也絕不允許自己的腳步停下。目標太未知也太痛苦，我選擇看著左右腳抬起，因為我知道總有一天會抵達目的。既然沒辦法確定是否在正確道路上，那就相信自己並向著可能性去實踐，千萬不能停下來迷惘，要一直想、一直往前。

After graduating, I changed four jobs in succession. My family was very worried, and I was often persuaded not to put writing in my life goals, just treat it as a hobby. But I knew very well that even if I gave up, I would still go back to this path in the end. I agree with what everyone said, there is no future, but I just like it. If I only thought about money at the beginning of this adventure, then I would not see anything. I try whenever I get the chance, leave if I don't like it. Perhaps I still don't know what I like, but I will always know what I do not like.

Whenever I mention the choice of this period of life, it reminds me of my first long-distance run in elementary school. There are many runners who run faster than me, and many who are resting. I don’t care how slow I am, I only know that I feel tired on the way. Never allow your footsteps to stop. The goal is too unknown and too painful. I choose to watch my left and right feet lift, because I know that one day I will reach my goal. Since there is no way to determine whether you are on the right path, then believe in yourself and practice towards the possibility. You must not stop and be confused, but keep thinking and moving forward.

沖著咖啡，伴隨窗外安靜的光線享受咖啡香氣的湧上，此刻安穩的生活是我熬過無數個漫長的夜晚換來的，慶幸自己的目標始終明確，無法立即達成也在相差不遠的路上努力邁進，時至今日才能真正成為透過文字去撼動人心的文字創作者。

Drinking coffee, enjoying the aroma of coffee with the quiet light outside the window, the stable life at this moment is the result of countless long nights. I am glad that my goal is always clear, and I will work hard if I can’t achieve it immediately. To move forward, until now can truly become a text creator who uses words to shake people's hearts.

「持續在失敗中尋找成功」

每當周休二日和連假看著友人們出遊的動態總是很羨慕，自己一個月休不到兩天，難得休假也依然要處理工作上的事。但這是自己選擇的路，我相信未來的我一定不只這樣，即使會遇到更多挫折和困難，卻也會因為這些經歷而變得更有能力去處理和面對！

Whenever I have two days off every week and even holidays, I am always envious of watching my friends go out. I have less than two days off a month, and I still have to deal with work matters during the rare vacation. But this is the path I chose. I believe that in the future, I will be more than this. Even if I encounter more setbacks and difficulties, I will become more able to deal with them because of these experiences!

打造一個百分之百屬於我、能自己做任何決定的店，是我從高中開始就夢想著的事情。

Creating a store that is 100% mine and can make any decisions by myself is something I have dreamed of since high school.

我的原生家庭既保守又傳統，對他們來說做公務員能有穩定收入是最安全的選擇，這樣的價值觀沒有問題，

但卻很有限，所以在我接觸到一些比較跳脫、新穎的思維時，被這些想法深深吸引，也讓我認知到自己不是一個保守求安逸的人。從我下定決心要創業後受到很多人的質疑，每個人對我的擔心總是大於支持，爸爸甚至曾用難聽的言語來表示他的不滿。我也時常會一個人胡思亂想，導致拖延、事情都做不好，但我從來沒想過要放棄，反而因此更堅定自己一定要做出成績，某方面也算是種叛逆，想用各種方式證明他們的觀念是錯的，這也是我從高中到大學一直以來的心境。

不過真的開創了自己的事業後才發現這樣的心態是錯誤的，

自以為是反倒讓我什麼都做不好，訂定的目標和計畫我一項都沒達成。在我意識到必須調整自己的認知還有提升內在涵養後，開始邁開腳步去執行，無論是看書、聽Podcast、追蹤相關社群帳號等等，慢慢照著學習到的知識去改變和調整，這段過程讓我明白空想是沒有用的，要去做才有機會實現夢想；不要讓情緒左右自己，要學著穩定自己的情緒，才有辦法理性看待跟處理事物。也從一心想證明別人的錯誤，變成了沒有誰對誰錯，只是認知上的不同，想法從根本改變後我覺得自己的心放鬆了很多，更專注於執行創業上，才正式開了這間小小的攤車。

My native family is both conservative and traditional. For them, being a civil servant and having a stable income is the safest choice. Such values are not problematic, but they are very limited. So when I came into contact with some more out-of-the-ordinary and novel thinking, I was deeply attracted by these ideas, and it also made me realize that I am not a conservative person who seeks comfort. Since I made up my mind to start a business, I have been questioned by many people. Everyone always worries more about me than supports me. My father even used ugly words to express his dissatisfaction. I also often think wildly alone, which leads to procrastination and things can’t be done well, but I never thought of giving up. Because of this, I am more determined to make achievements. In a certain way, it is also a kind of rebellion, and I want to prove their strength in various ways. The concept is wrong, and that's how I've been in it since high school and college.

But after I really started my own business, I realized that this kind of mentality was wrong. Self-righteousness made me unable to do anything well, and I failed to achieve any of the goals and plans I set. After I realized that I had to adjust my cognition and improve my inner self-cultivation, I started to take steps to implement it, whether it was reading books, listening to podcasts, tracking related social accounts, etc., and slowly changing and adjusting according to the knowledge I learned. This process made me understand that fantasies are useless, and only by doing it can I have a chance to realize my dreams; don't let your emotions control you, you must learn to stabilize your emotions, so that you can look at and deal with things rationally. It also changed from wanting to prove other people's mistakes to no one is right and who is wrong, it's just a difference in cognition. After the fundamental change in thinking, I felt that my heart relaxed a lot, and I was more focused on the implementation of entrepreneurship, so I officially opened this little cart.

其實開業後每個月都會有幾天是低潮期，但我知道當我在谷底才正是我要開始往上爬的時候！

我利用低潮期對自己的自我否定，去思考在這些事上可以怎麼改進，也真的每個月都在心境成長還有業績上有新的突破。能夠接到越來越多訂單、客人一次又一次的回購，甚至主動稱讚我的雞蛋燒、漸漸更認識家鄉的人事物，雖然都是很微小的事，但全是我大大的動力，心裡很滿足。

In fact, there will be a few days of low tide every month after opening, but I know that when I am at the bottom, it is the time when I want to start climbing! I used my self-denial during the low tide period to think about how to improve these things, and I really made new breakthroughs in mental growth and performance every month. Being able to receive more and more orders, repurchase again and again from customers, even taking the initiative to praise my egg pancake, and gradually getting to know people and things in my hometown. Although these are very small things, they are all my great motivations and I am very satisfied.

創業也有了將近一年的時間，完全不覺得後悔，也讓我慢慢改掉以前拖延、胡思亂想、情緒化等等會影響做事效率的壞習慣。因為事情做得好了，我變得更有自信、能夠花更多時間在自己身上之外，並且理性、開闊地看待其他人事物，不管是事業還是人際關係上，都越來越能得心應手。或許這個選擇比一般上班族要來得辛苦，沒有穩定收入、沒有固定上班時間，但還是覺得自己做了一個很棒的決定。

It’s been almost a year since I started my business, and I don’t feel any regrets at all. It also allowed me to gradually get rid of the bad habits of procrastination, cranky thinking, emotionality, etc. that would affect the efficiency of my work. Because things are done well, I become more confident, able to spend more time outside of myself, and look at other people and things rationally and openly. Whether it is career or interpersonal relationships, I become more and more handy. Maybe this choice is more difficult than ordinary office workers. There is no stable income and no fixed working hours, but I still feel that I have made a great decision.

希望未來我的事業不只是一個小攤車，我想開一間可以結合自己喜歡的事物，像是餐飲、設計等等，又可以幫助或是和身邊的人一同成長，例如：和志同道合的人一起合作、規劃的一個複合式空間！

I hope that my business will not be just a small stall in the future. I want to open a shop that can combine my favorite things, such as catering, design, etc., and help or grow with people around me, for example: with like-minded people A compound space for cooperation and planning!

「我們不是神，我們也是人」

即使知道自己走在往前的道路卻對目的地一無所知，每當這種時刻我總會不自覺陷入迷茫的大海中。但那又如何？至少我慢慢地喜歡上這一切、至少還有人想跟隨我的腳步，那我就得要持續走下去。

Even though I know that I am on the road ahead, I don't know the destination. I will always unconsciously fall into the sea of confusion at such moments. But so what? At least I slowly like all this; at least there are people who want to follow in my footsteps, then I have to keep going.

熬過了一整天的摧殘後，我攤在椅子上，電腦開著、資料散落在桌上，連身上的包包都懶得拿下來，種種一切道出那些外人從來不知道關於社工師的辛苦。我的服務對象可謂是從搖籃到墳墓，而同時手上必須處理的個案更是多到滿出來，除了長時間與個案相處、陪伴、訪視，堆積如山的報表和紀錄也使我喘不過氣。

After a whole day of torture, I was spread out on a chair. The computer was turned on, and the documents were scattered on the table. I didn't even bother to take off my bag. All these things revealed that outsiders never knew about social workers' hardships. The objects I serve range from newborns to people with half a foot in the coffin. At the same time, the number of cases that must be dealt with was overflowing.

龐大的工作量再加上主管帶來的壓力總是讓我感到壓抑、委屈，可我慶幸自己有著跟其他社工師不一樣的心境，好幾次和同事聊天才發現他們即使在這個崗位的日子已經有段時間，卻仍然會被個案牽動情緒。曾經的我也會，總是掛念著那些被我照顧過的人，「這個個案出院後過得還好嗎？會不會自己還是走不出那片陰影？」而不同的個案在不同時間這樣來來去去，也使我陷入了迷茫的大海中。直到我的生活品質逐漸被影響，才意識到我必須先照顧好自己才能照顧別人。

把自己無限次丟進那樣的情緒，我不就每天都在難過了嗎？或許很多人認為社工就是一份付出的工作，但其實我們也是人，也要正常生活啊，更誠實的來說......我也想愛自己。慢慢地我能將工作和生活切開，理性面對所有個案，我沒辦法一輩子負責他們的生活，當個協助者就好，而非參與他們的人生。

The huge workload and the pressure brought by the supervisor always make me feel depressed and aggrieved, but I am glad that I have a different state of mind from other social workers. After chatting with my colleagues several times, I found that even though they have been in this position for a long time, they will still be emotionally affected by the cases. I used to be, always thinking about those people I took care of, "Is this case going to be okay after the end? Is it possible that he/she still can't get out of that shadow?" And different cases came and went at different times, which also made me fall into a sea of confusion. It wasn't until my quality of life was gradually affected that I realized that I had to takecare of myself before I could take care of others.

Throwing myself into such emotions infinitely, wouldn't I be sad every day? Maybe many people think that social work is a job that devotes, but in fact we are also human beings, and we have to live a normal life. To be more honest... I also want to love myself. Gradually, I can separate work and life, and face all cases rationally. I can't be responsible for their lives for the rest of my life. I just want to be a helper instead of participating in their lives.

回想起踏入社工界之前，我覺得陪個案聊天、提供福利資源，完全是在幫助他人，很有意義。但實際深入這個圈子後接應的幾份個案都不是眞正値得我向他們伸出援手的。酗酒、抽菸、吸毒導致身體器官壞光，這是他們自己選擇的後果，好幾個個案是連家人都不想理，但這也是讓我很心累的原因之一，要拿出十萬分的耐心說服家人處理。有時候也會遇到很兇悍的病患，身上還刺龍刺鳳的，被吼得當下也挺不知所措，可是我不會感到畏懼，因為我是這座白色巨塔的微光。

Recalling before entering the social work field, I feel that chatting with clients and providing welfare resources are completely helping others, which is very meaningful. Yet, the few cases I received after I went deep into this circle were not really worthy of my help. Alcoholism, smoking, and drug abuse lead to the deterioration of body organs. This is the consequence of their own choices. In several cases, even the family members do not want to care about it, but this is also one of the reasons that makes me very tired. I have to patiently persuade the family to deal with it. Sometimes I will encounter very fierce patients, with dragons and phoenixes on their bodies, and I am quite at a loss when I am yelled at. But I will not feel afraid, because I am the twilight of this hospital.

成為社工也有將近兩年的時間了，最深的感觸大概就是「每個人都在和自己的不方便和平共處」。一直以來我都很不希望大家提及我視力模糊的事情，我認為這是我天生的缺陷。後來我才知道身邊有一位同事一隻耳朵是聽不到的、還有個朋友腦袋裡有腦瘤。或許你看不出來，但其實每個人或多或少都有著障礙，沒有人是完美的，我做得到的事，不代表他人一定做得到。觀察著每個個案的狀況，並記錄在筆下也成了我閒暇時刻的習慣，我開始在網路上用圖文分享著遇到的故事，也收穫了一些粉絲。

I have been a social worker for nearly two years, and my deepest feeling is probably that "Everyone is living peacefully with their own inconveniences." I've always hated people talking about my blurry vision, which I think is a natural flaw. I later learned that there was a colleague who was deaf in one ear and a friend who had a brain tumor. Maybe you can't see it, but in fact, everyone has more or less obstacles. No one is perfect. What I can do does not mean that others must be able to do it. Observing the status of each case and recording it has become a habit in my spare time. I began to share the stories encountered with pictures and texts on the Internet, and gained some fans.

我的文字能影響到某個人，甚至在未來低潮時他會想起我曾經說過的一句話且因此被鼓勵到，這樣我就覺得足夠値得了，這也是我的初衷，希望這個世界可以因為我的存在而有所不一樣。

My words can affect someone, and even when the future is at a low ebb, he/she will think of a sentence I once said and be encouraged, and that's worth it. This is also my original intention. I hope the world can be different because of my existence.

Grit 沙子

利用沙子可聚可散的特性，比擬為有一顆堅韌的心，經歷低潮後會靠自己站起來的漂流者。遇見困難時曾如散落一地的沙子般對方向迷惘，但在解決一切問題後將中間的歷程凝聚於內心、化為力量，聚集的沙子象徵著後來的振作。

Using the characteristics of sand that can be aggregated and scattered, it is compared to a drifter who has a tough heart and will stand up by him/herself after experiencing low tide. When encountering difficulties, we may feel confused about the direction like the sand scattered on the ground. But after solving all of the problems, the process in the middle will condense in our hearts and turn into strength.